CHAPTER V
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Now I stepped into the shower and began to wash, first shampooing
my hair, and then soaping my body. I shaved carefully under my
arms and my legs, and then, feeling his eyes on me, I began to
cautiously shave between my legs. Lathering, shaving, rinsing,
and repeating this until the area between my legs was as smooth
and bare as a baby’s cheek. Finally, reaching for the douche, I
placed the nozzle deep inside me and began the process of
cleansing my body’s inner secretions. After that, while still in
the shower, I brushed my teeth and turned the shower off. He was
standing there, leaning against a wall, watching me. As I
wrapped a towel around my head and stepped out of the shower,
drying my body, I began to feel almost relaxed. I began to
realize that I had no life other than this, for the next few
hours. I had no responsibilities but to obey my captor. I had
no decisions or worries except how to please this man who owned
me for this period of time. I knew I could hide nothing from
this man, either physical or mental, and I knew I would have no
privacy, no barriers, no walls between us. What a strange
feeling it is to know that someone else has complete control over
you, and responsilbity for you. Almost, I felt more free than at
any other time in my life. I was free to just feel, and
experience, without having to make decisions or observe rules of
propriety and social behavior.
He continued to watch as I brushed my hair and briefly used a
blowdryer and curling iron (how thoughtfully he had provided
these items) on it. Sparingly, I applied cosmetics, and at his
instruction, put them on a bit more heavily than I would have
ordinarily. I applied blusher and eye shadow and lipstick more
vividly than usual, and I noticed in the mirror that I seemed to
be sparkling. How strange. I don’t usually wear much make up at
all, and I never realized how attractive I could be with it on.
Smiling, he handed me a large pair of silver hoop earrings and I
placed them in my ears. I sprayed a little cologne on my wrists,
and dabbed it behind my ears and my knees. Finished, I turned
from the mirror and faced him, my eyes lowered, waiting his
approval. “You’re beautiful” he whispered, and lifting my chin
with his hand, he kissed me and put his arms around me. I felt
drawn into him like a breath, and knew that whatever he wanted, I
would do, not because I was scared, but because I felt he knew me
inside and out, and that I belonged to him.
We went out into the larger room, and he led me over to the chair
by the fireplace. With his hands pressing my shoulders, I sank
to the floor by the chair, sitting with my legs tucked under me,
resting on my hands, while he lit the fireplace. He came over
and sat down on the chair, and took both my hands in his. Gently
he began to rub lotion into my tender, swollen wrists. He told
me that I would not always like the things he did to me, or the
things he required me to do. He said that was not important. He
told me that I didn’t have to like it – but I had to do it. No
arguments, no hesitation, no resistance. Just obedience and
service was all that was expected of me. He put a wide leather
collar around my throat, and placed similar leather cuffs on my
wrists and ankles, and told me that wearing these was an outward
show of my wish to obey and please him.
Warm, in front of the fire, my eyes grew heavy and I began to be
afraid that I was going to fall asleep. He noticed this and led
me over to the cell in the corner. Telling me to get down on my
knees, he pointed into the cell and told me to enter and lie
down. I crawled into it on my hands and knees. It wasn’t big
enough for me to fully lie down, so I had to sort of curl a
little. He tossed a soft blanket into the cell and told me to
sleep a while, and he closed the door with a clang and went back
to his chair by the fireplace. Sleepily I watched him for a
moment, before I fell into a dreamless, exhausted sleep.
